Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Why do I feel this way...

On Monday night I took a test for the Vineyard Leadership Institute on Church History and Systematic Theology. I spent all weekend (short of a housewarming party that I enjoyed two Coronas at) studying for this test...but it was too late. I didn't have enough time to read one of my Text books in time. This consitutes for 10% of each test score.

Unprepared, I went into battle with the little knowledge I had and got slammed on the floor by the test. Man...it was really tough.

I left the test pretty angry with myself because of the cycle of not-studying I find my self in every other semester. Then I began to feel unworthy of going to school to be a pastor...and then I wondered how many of our pastors would look at this grade and disqualify me for any position with our church or others...and then I wondered if God would for give me...and then I caught myself...WAIT A MINUTE???!!! Where's the grace? Where's the love that you teach to the kids you love? It's right there. What am I doing? "Would God forgive me?" What kind of question is that!? God probably doesn't even care about this stupid test...and then, I searched 7 locations until I finally found the love of BC and OP...Guiness...and then I had one. What a love.

What his love is to me...unchanging, unfounded, undeserved...faithful.